How to accomplish nothing in a day

First, you must plan ahead. Preparations for a day in which nothing is accomplished must begin the night before. Work on a few household tasks that justify staying up past bedtime…load the dishwasher, fold laundry, organize your pantry. Whatever. Once you have finished the task, (or at least gotten to the part where things are messier than before but you are too tired to finish) reward yourself with a big bowl of ice cream and some tv. Sure, there is nothing good on at 1am and you really ought to go to bed but we are working on a bigger plan here! Stick with it!

When you wake up on the couch some time later, go to bed.

Your alarm will begin it’s cheerful ring at an awful hour. Ignore it. Press the snooze every 5 minutes until the clock gives up and quits trying. Alternately, just unplug the clock when you are falling into bed after sleeping on the couch.

Eventually you will have to get up, whether it’s that pesky sun shining in your face or hungry little munchkins poking you, rising will be demanded. Don’t bother getting dressed, you plan on going back to sleep as soon as possible anyway.

While you make your coffee check your email…and Facebook…and pinterest…and twitter…and catch up on all of your “with friends” games. (I know this may seem like accomplishing anything but don’t worry, I won’t lead you astray) You should be able to kill an hour or two here.

It would also be a good idea to turn the tv on at this point. Maybe your kiddos will join you in your desire to do nothing but sit and stare blankly all day. (not likely but here’s hoping!)

Leave your Bible in its place. We don’t want to be convicted now do we? Instead find a website with lots of LOL-worthy pictures to scroll through (may I suggest awkwardfamilyphotos.com?) This activity should eat up most of the afternoon. When you finish, go to YouTube and watch every single ‘laughing baby’ video. Now thats entertainment!

Feel free to doze off periodically if you would like but in any case, avoid getting off the couch at all costs.

By now it is probably bed time again. Feel proud of yourself for accomplishing absolutely nothing today. If you are particularly adventurous and daring, stay up and watch an all-night marathon of some old tv show so you can do this all again tomorrow!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s